Big Brother Doesn't Understand!

Kameren our son asked me the day I came home from the hospital where is my sissy. I hadn't thought about how to explain to our three year old son that his sister was in heaven and not coming home. It caught me off guard and it made my husband quickly think what to tell him. My husband got down to our sons level and told him his sister was in heaven with Jesus. Kam looked at him like he was nuts. Kam then looked at me to see if he was really telling him the truth. I then told Kam that his sister was now his own little angel. For two weeks after I came home that's all Kam could talk about was "mommy where is sissy?" or if he saw a piece of baby clothing we had "that's sissy's!!". It was sad to know that our son was thinking his sister was still coming home. I woke up on May 28th knowing that I would more than likely hear the same thing from Kam I have been hearing for two weeks. I surprised me when he said nothing all day. The only thing he did was look at her scrapbook and say "mommy I want another sissy". That's when I knew that I not only did we have to try for another baby for our self's but for Kam. He really wanted to have a baby in the house as much as we did.

Shock & Sadness!!

Not a lot of people lose a full term baby. None of the women in my family has ever lost a full term baby I am the first one. I had been very optimistic about the whole kidney disease thing. I was praying that the baby would live. On May 15th, 2010 Brooklyne came in to the world at 2:30am. She was so beautiful and she even had her daddy's tan skin and black hair. After they got her stable they took her to the NICU. They worked on her for two hours but her poor little lungs were not cooperating at all. The NICU staff finally gave up on her at 4:37am. She took her last breath in my arms and her heart stopped. I was kinda weird having her die in my arms but I am glad she did. Sometimes I wish she died in my husbands arms but I know that he would never have been able to handle that. I remember the last thing I told her was she was our little butterfly and it was ok to go heaven cause she had lots of people waiting for her to get there. There are some days where everything is ok and there are days when the tears just flow and don't stop. I pray every day to GOD for the pain to go away some days it works and some days it doesn't and some days I have to pray more than once. I know that my faith and love in GOD will help me through anything. I also know that my husband and I have to take it one day at a time and get through it together for us both to heal.